Tuesday 30 December 2014

Doing the cover design for your ebook

Doing the cover design for your ebook

Keeping it simple (or at least I will try to from now on!)


In hindsight I seem to have spent way too much time messing about with my cover designs, so I thought I may as well do a post about it here.

Basically, for each story I tried to create an image that would capture at least a part of the main theme, while also including something that would catch the eye or help a potential reader notice my books.

After a long and occasionally awkward  process (I had to ask the graphic designer to amend a few things due to the fact that I can be pretty indecisive at times), I finally narrowed the process down to this:

1. Brainstorm / doodle a few images.
2. Sketch the final choice.
3. Send it to someone who can do ‘vector graphics’ on adobe illustrator (I don’t have the patience to learn it myself!).
4. Ask for any revisions.
5. Send the .ai file to a graphic designer.
6. Make sure it is a jpeg with 1600x2400 and 72dpi, and again ask for revisions if necessary (or in my case whenever I realise I’ve made a mistake – for instance initially using Pooh instead of Poo!)
7. Upload it with your book to be published (for instance on Kindle Direct Publishing or Smashwords).
8. Add the image on Pinterest, Flickr, Goodreads, your facebook page and twitter feed, or wherever else you so choose.

One obvious piece of advice which some people still fail to follow is to never start the design process until the story has finished being written – as stories can evolve and the cover can become a bit of a distraction too.

To find a good, affordable designer I suggest shopping around on Fiverr to see who suits what you're looking for. You could even send the same gig to a few different sellers and whoever seems to be the most skilled and cooperative, you can then go to more exclusively in the future.


Fiverr - best cover illustrators and designers
Fiverr - best for cover illustrators and designers

Fiverr is a great resource that can offer real value for money - from what I could find, anywhere else appeared rather expensive for pretty much the same service.

Here are some good ones that I've used...

Artists for the image / illustration:

Rissa88 (who turned my rubbish sketch into a cool and funny cartoon):

Cool vector graphic designs on Fiverr

Billbig (see an example of his work below):

Great Adobe Illustrator on Fiverr
Cover designer:

Fluxydesign (great style and service):

Excellent book cover designer

As an example of how I did one of my covers (in a rather around about sort of way), this is the process I followed for ‘The Poo Princess’:

Too bad I had to alter it yet again due to a 'Pooh versus Poo' controversy! Ah well, at least the change will be just in time for my 'Smell of Poo' children's book collection in paperback  ;-)

And here is the final version:
smell of poo princess allerton
The final version!

If you have any design advice or recommendations of your own, feel free to share them here!


Wednesday 24 December 2014

'Doctor Gremlin and the Battle of the Brats' children's chapter book is out now!

'Doctor Gremlin and the Battle of the Brats'

children's chapter book is out now!

The first of the 'Beastly Bullies' children's chapter book collection has arrived!

Follow the links here to buy 'Doctor Gremlin and the Battle of the Brats' - a 'Beastly Bullies' children's story book - out now on Amazon:

Michael, Harry and Sam are brats. Their teachers know it, their classmates know it, even their own parents know it! They are so rude and naughty that their mothers go looking for help from the most unlikely of characters, but when their plan starts to go horribly wrong, they must try to save their sons - and themselves - before it's too late!

Follow the 'Battle of the Brats' in this funny children’s chapter story book for Primary School kids of all ages to enjoy. Parents and teachers will also like reading this humorous story, while it’s suitable for reluctant readers too.

(for ages 7-12: 7500 words)

Here's an excerpt from Chapter Four: 


‘Hello to you too, my dears’ croaked the creature, his long pointy ears and nose moving as he spoke. ‘I believe we spoke on the phone.’

The three mothers stayed silent, too shocked to talk.

‘Hmph, it’s always the way with you humans. Screaming and staring. But it’s alright, you’ll get used to me soon enough... They always do.’ He gave them a wink with one of his big round eyes.

Still the mothers didn’t speak. They didn’t even move. They just stood there staring at the creature, mouths wide open.

‘Is it my green skin? Or is it my rather pointy yet handsome features?’ As he smiled his face became full of wrinkles. His skin looked rougher than sandpaper. ‘Come now ladies, I am a respected Doctor. Now tell me, what is my name?’


'Doctor Gremlin and the Battle of the Brats' is on Amazon:


Tuesday 23 December 2014

'Smell of Poo' children's story book collection: Half price!

Fun Children's Story Book Collection: Just half price!


For just half of the combined total price, you can enjoy the full 'The Smell of Poo' children's story book collection:
funny children's books box set
The Smell of Poo children's book collection on Amazon


'The Smell of Poo' Children's Book Collection: All FIVE 'Smell of Poo' stories!!!!!
(19000 words altogether, ages 6-11)

These funny children’s chapter story books are for Primary School kids of all ages to enjoy. Parents and teachers will also like reading these humorous stories, while they are good for reluctant readers too! They are might sometimes be disgusting but they may also make you think a bit, too...

Included:

The collection also includes the bonus poems (or 'Pooems'):

Who Dunnit? (A smelly classroom mystery)
A ‘who dunnit?’ rhyming mystery about a boy who suspects his classmates of making a smell, while phonetically covering the alphabet at the same time!

Your Poo & You
A poem about our differences and self-acceptance in the shape (literally) of our poos!

All the stories and poems feature a set of 'follow-up questions' at the end. I hope you will enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them!


'The Smell of Poo' children's chapter book collection is available here:

smell of pooh children's book collection amazon
Get 'The Smell of Poo' children's book collection here!

The 'Smell of Poo' Children's Book Collection is also available in print, here (or search it on Amazon in whichever country you are):


The 'Smell of Poo' Collection available in glossy paperback

Monday 22 December 2014

'Ghost Poo and the Haunted Toilet' children's chapter book is out now!

'Ghost Poo & the Haunted Toilet' children's book is Out Now!

The longest 'Smell of Poo' children's chapter book is here!

funny ghost children's story book
Ghost Poo & the Haunted Toilet on Amazon

John is in a good mood as his parents are about to take him away on a mystery Christmas holiday. However, the trip is much more mysterious than anyone ever planned and John soon finds himself in danger in the most unlikely of places!

funny children’s chapter story book for Primary School kids of all ages to enjoy. Parents and teachers will also like reading this humorous story, while it’s suitable for reluctant readers too.

(for ages 7-12: 7000 words)

Here's an excerpt from Chapter Three: 


Suddenly, the light disappeared. ‘It’s gone out now dad.’

‘Well yes I can see that.’ His voice became a whisper.

They waited for a moment.

Tap, tap, tap.

‘AARGH!’ they screamed. Albert barked.

They all turned around and looked through the back window. The light suddenly came back on to reveal an old lady’s face right outside the car.

‘AAARGH!’

Albert’s bark turned into a whine.

She gave a toothless smile, deep wrinkles creasing all over her face.

‘Can I help you?’ she croaked.


'Ghost Pooh and the Haunted Toilet' is available here:

ghost pooh and haunted toilet children's book
Get 'Ghost Poo and the Haunted Toilet' here!

Sunday 21 December 2014

'The Secret Adventures of Fart Boy' children's chapter book is here!

'The Secret Adventures of Fart Boy' children's book: Out Now!

Another Smell of Poo children's chapter book is here!

funny superhero children's story book
The Secret Adventures of Fartboy on Amazon

Little Stevie Size has a secret superpower. However, he has only ever used it in his imagination but one day at school he needs it for real! Can he save himself and his friends from big bullies, mean teachers and overly friendly girls? Will he survive his most difficult day ever without anybody discovering his secret?

funny children’s chapter story book for Primary School kids of all ages to enjoy. Parents and teachers will also like reading this humorous story, while it’s suitable for reluctant readers too.

(for ages 6-10: 4600 words)

Here's an excerpt from Chapter Two: 


‘Fartboy’ is what Stevie secretly called himself. Sometimes, when his parents were out, he would draw a large ‘F’ on the front of his pyjamas and wear a sheet around his shoulders like Superman’s cape, flying around the house by using his jet-butt and fighting imaginary criminals with his amazing bottom smells.

His biggest dream was to do this in real life. Stevie wanted to be able to use his clever little bottom to fire a smell in any direction – and at almost any distance – he liked. He tried practising his smell-making skills whenever he was alone, which meant his bedroom eventually smelled so bad that nobody ever went in there, not even his poor pet dog...! 


Then one day at school, Stevie found he needed to use his rumbling powers again, and more than ever before. It was a day that he would never forget...

The story also includes the bonus poem (or 'Pooem'):

                       'Who Dunnit? (A smelly classroom mystery)'

A ‘who dunnit?’ rhyming mystery about Stevie's classmates whom he suspects of making a smell, while phonetically covering the alphabet at the same time!

'The Secret Adventures of Fartboy' is available here:

Saturday 20 December 2014

The Poo Princess children's chapter book: Out Now!

'The Poo Princess' children's chapter book is out now

Another 'Smell of Poo' children's chapter book is here!

funny children's princess story book
The Poo Princess now available at Amazon

A poor farm girl gets unexpected help from a gremlin, with surprising results! There's humour, romance and drama all rolled into this not-so-traditional children's fairytale with a twist!

funny children’s chapter story book for Primary School kids of all ages to enjoy. Parents and teachers will also like reading this humorous story, while it’s suitable for reluctant readers too.

(for ages 6-10: 2700 words)

Here's an excerpt from Chapter One: 



She lost her balance, tripped and fell backwards, landing on something soft and squishy.

To her surprise, it shouted ‘Get off me!’

‘Woah! A talking snake?’ she asked in disbelief.

The girl looked down and noticed a pair of pointy little green ears poking out from under her bottom. Attached to the ears was a little round green head, with a long pointy nose, big round eyes and chubby little cheeks.

‘Urgh! What kind of snake are you?’ she shrieked.

‘I am no snake! I’m a gremlin, and now I’m a rather flat gremlin – so please get your big smelly bottom off me!’

‘Big?’


'The Poo Princess' is available here:

Friday 19 December 2014

Stanley and the Poo Monster children's chapter book is here!

Stanley & the Poo Monster children's chapter book is out now

A new 'Smell of Poo' children's chapter book is here!

funny children's monster story book
Stanley and the Poo Monster at Amazon

A boy’s attempts to stop being bullied at school go wrong in a big way! From being teased to trying to save the people teasing him, Stanley has an adventure he will never forget!

funny children’s chapter story book for Primary School kids of all ages to enjoy. Parents and teachers will also like reading this humorous story, while it’s suitable for reluctant readers too.

(for ages 6-10: 3000 words)

Here's an excerpt from Chapter One: 

One afternoon, after being teased all day at school, and on his way to being teased and ignored all evening at home, Stanley didn’t want to carry on walking. He stopped on an empty part of the street between his school and his house, sat down under a tree and began to cry.

‘Why do people have to tease me?’ he sobbed. ‘What did I do to them?’

Suddenly he heard footsteps, they were coming closer. He wiped his nose, rubbed his eyes and was about to stand up when a strange looking shadow appeared before him.

He had seen that shape somewhere before. ‘Wow’ he whispered.


'Stanley and the Poo Monster' is available here:


Mr & Mrs Poo children's chapter book is out now!

'The MisAdventures of Mr & Mrs Poo'

funny children's story book poo adventure
The MisAdventures of Mr & Mrs Poo on Amazon


A new 'Smell of Poo' Children's chapter book is here!


A couple of Poos find themselves in danger after being ‘born’ into the outside world. They have to survive a variety of unexpected problems while also trying to 'stick' together!


funny children’s chapter story book for Primary School kids of all ages to enjoy. Parents and teachers will also like reading this humorous story, while it’s good for reluctant readers too.

(for ages 6-9: 2600 words)

Here's an excerpt from Chapter Poone:



'Hey, maybe we can find another dog’s bottom to hide inside?’ Mrs Poo wondered.

‘Ah, that’s a fine idea!’ Mr Poo gave his wife a big squelchy hug, then shouted ‘Look out!’ and threw her onto the ground.

Out of nowhere, a gigantic pair of two-legged monsters came running towards them. The Poos froze on the spot, terrified. The monsters were moving too fast for them to get out of the way.

‘Eurgh, dog poo!’ one shouted as she saw the Poos right in front of them.  ‘Argh!’ screamed the other, jumping over Mrs Poo.

The monsters looked behind them as they carried on running. ‘That’s horrible, I nearly ruined my new jogging shoes!’ ‘Yuck!’ the Poos heard them say.

‘Hey, less of the horrible thank you, that’s my wife!’ Mr Poo angrily shouted after them.


This book also includes the bonus poem (or 'Pooem') 'Your Poo & You':

A poem about our differences and self-acceptance in the shape (literally) of our poos!


'The MisAdventures of Mr & Mrs Poo' is available here:


Friday 5 December 2014

'The Smell of Poo' children's book collection is here!

Smelly Children's Stories are here..!

pooh children's book collection box set amazon
The Smell of Poo children's book collection!

Don't be alarmed, the books don't really smell - but they are about quite smelly things...


'The Smell of Poo' children's stories are nearly here! A funny collection of short chapter books for Primary School children of all ages to enjoy (including developing / newly-confident / reluctant readers).

They will make kids laugh and hopefully think a bit as well! Parents and teachers will also like reading these humorous tales...

There are five stories and two poems altogether, all of which feature a set of 'follow-up questions' at the end - and for just half of the combined total price you will be able to enjoy the full collection:

‘The Smell of Poo’ Children’s Books:

The Misadventures of Mr & Mrs Poo

A couple of Poos find themselves in danger after being ‘born’ into the outside world.
PLUS: Bonus 'Pooem': 'Your Poo & You'
(2250 words, ages 6-9)

Stanley and the Poo Monster

A boy’s attempt to stop being bullied at school goes wrong in a big way!
(2800 words, ages 7-11)


The Poo Princess
A poor farm girl gets unexpected help from a gremlin, with surprising results!
(2500 words, ages 6-9)

The Secret Adventures of Fartboy

Stevie has just one talent but uses it to good effect during a difficult day at school!
PLUS: Bonus 'Pooem': 'Who Dunnit? (A smelly classroom mystery)'
(2850 words, ages 6-9)

Ghost Poo and the Haunted Toilet

A boy desperately needs to do a poo - but ends up getting the fright of his life!
(6700 words, ages 7-11)

funny children's story book
Ghost Poo & the Haunted Toilet



'Smell of Poo' Children's Story Book Collection

You can also enjoy all 5 stories in just 1 book available here (both for Kindle and in Paperback):



Thursday 4 December 2014

The Top Ten Best Ever Books!

The Top Ten Best Books Ever!


It's difficult to choose a top ten best ever books, as there are so many great ones out there (and some not so good ones too!) - but I'm going to give it a try, let's see which ones you've read. Will you agree with my choices???


1) I read Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire in one day and found it hard to sleep afterwards. JK Rowling is a genius.
The goblet of fire Jk Rowling

2) 1974 by David Peace is an exceptionally dark book that kept me awake for different reasons (but Peace should still take credit).

3) All Quiet on the Western Front (EM Remarque) was may favourite book as a teenager and made me think about the 'other side' of a story.

4) The Lord of the Rings I read on buses, in restaurants, even at the place I was working at the time! Brilliant how Tolkein switched between characters in a way that kept me even more hooked (also try reading the Silmarillion - it gives you a whole new appreciation of a 'balrog'!):

lord of the rings tolkein

5) Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams: if I was more talented and less knackered, this is the book I wish I could have written! A humorous concept of cluelessly 'hitchhiking' the way across the galaxy - something we probably all wish we could try...

6) A Short History of Nearly Everything. Bill Bryson, as good a travel writer as he is, stunned everyone with this highly educational, funny and interesting history of science as we know (and also don't know) it! Perhaps the book I have read and listened to the most (though I still can't remember most of it! - a shorter, illustrated version is also available):

short history of nearly everything bryson
No.6: A Short History of Nearly Everything

7) Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky. With some of the best character descriptions you will ever read, this story drew me into a world that felt very real despite having a minimal frame of reference for it.

8) Lord of the Flies; William Golding. An expose of human nature that nearly made me cry reading it as a child. Having taught children for a long time I can see that this storyline could be all too realistic:

lord of the flies golding

9) Hard Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World: Haruki Murakami. This tale was so bizarre, but the way the author links two opposite worlds to one drew me in until I couldn't put the book down.

10) Are you Experienced? by William Sutcliffe - not a classic by any means, but still hilarious. One of the few books to have actually made me laugh out loud in public (a good way to get to sit alone on the bus).

Honourable mentions must go to:

Confessions of an Economic Hitman by John Perkins - it's not so much the writing as the depressingly true content.

A People’s History of the Vietnam War, by J Neale. It is as informative as it is heartbreaking...
vietnam war books


To be honest I could quite easily change my mind about the top ten - no opinion is ever fixed is it? Which books would make it into your top ten?

Coming soon: The Top Ten Best Ever Children's Books..!